Families: Mom v. Dad

           My interviewee was my mom. She was born in Mexico and reestablished life in the U.S. when she was two years old. My mom’s upbringing was based on Catholic ideals and was taught at a very young age to always act responsibly and be self-sufficient. My mom has always been an independent individual and by age eight, she was helping my grandmother with the cooking and cleaning. Growing up, she was a bit of a tomboy, due to being raised with four brothers. She has one sister, but my aunt married very young so my mom was left with just her parents and four brothers. Due to some hardships that my mom experienced growing up and as a young adult, she is a very strong and motivated woman.

           Throughout the interview, I was very comfortable asking my mom questions about family members. My mom is my best friend so I can literally talk about to her about everything and anything. We have a very close bond and we talk multiple times on a daily basis. This being said, I know a lot of my mom’s extended family, if not by face then by name. There was no awkwardness, but there were some silent moments because my mom did not remember several of her cousins’ names because quite honestly she has so many cousins from both sides of my grandparents’ family. I do not think this affected my thoroughness of my interview.  Had I not been interviewing my mom, I do not think it would be awkward because I am able to adapt to people’s personality. I do not mind asking questions, but I also try not to step over any boundaries. Sometimes it is difficult trying not to not cross the line between informative and too personal.

            My mom is definitely closer to my grandmother’s side of the family. She was able to remember specific details regarding certain aunts/uncles and she seemed happy talking about it. She said that they visited my grandmother’s siblings more often than my grandpa’s siblings. My mom is very close to my grandma so I think that might have an impact on how my mom views her family from my grandma’s side versus her views of her family from my grandpa’s side of the family. Regardless, my mom has a lot of respect for her elders, especially her grandparents from both parents. Her grandmother (dad’s mom) would stay often with my mom and her siblings, but whenever she would visit in Mexico, she would stay with my grandma’s parents. She even called her grandparents (mom’s parents) Ama Margarita and Pa Angel. Her parents were okay with this because they had a lot of respect for their own parents and they understood the close bond they had. Both families had large families. They also shared names. My mom’s middle name is Elena and she has a least five cousins with the same name and another three that share her first name. Both my grandparents’ families know each other well and socialize from time to time. They are respectful to one another and when around one another they greet each other well. Overall, I think my mom is closer to my grandmother’s family because they were around more often than my grandfather’s family.

            I know more relatives from my mom’s side of the family. My dad has a really big family so I do not know them all, but besides that, I have always felt more comfortable with my mom’s family. They are always so welcoming and friendly while my dad’s family always takes a while to warm up to us and sometimes a certain aunt has this major attitude and it makes things awkward. My brothers and I were raised to always respect our elders so it makes it difficult to deal with her. We socialize more with my mom’s side of the family because my mom and grandmother (dad’s mom) do not have the best relationship and so my mom does not really like to spend time with my dad’s family.  My mom has never told us to stay away from my grandmother or the entire family, but their actions is what pushes us away and not desire to spend time with them. The women overall seem to take charge in my family. I know that in my home, my mom makes the important decisions. She discusses everything with my dad, but ultimately she has the last say so. My grandmother is the same way. The relatives that marry into the family are not treated any differently than those born into the family from my mom’s side.  They believe in being treated equally and unless you show otherwise, you will have the love and respect you deserve. On my dad’s side however, it is the total opposite. The relatives that marry into the family are seen as outsiders no matter the years of knowing one another or actions. There are no different attitudes based on gender. On both sides of our families there are gay and transgender relatives that are not mistreated. It did take some getting used to at first for some relatives, but they were never mistreated or discriminated against. Through this exercise I have learned that I am very close to my immediate family; parents and siblings. I know a lot about my mom’s side of the family and I also share a great bond with my grandparents (mom’s parents). The women in my family seem to ‘wear the pants’ and the men seem to be okay with this concept.